Decompressing
by Caskett1960
Summary: A Post-Still story that focuses on what happens after Castle and Kate return home following her near-death from the bomb. While this is my first Castle Fan Fiction story, I've been writing Fan Fic for another TV show for over 10 years. Rated M because what would a post-Still story between our favorite couple be without the sex? Please read and review.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimers: Andrew W. Marlowe does such a wonderful job of writing 'Castle' that I know I couldn't do any better, but it's fun to take the characters out and play.**

**Title: Decompressing**

**Summary: This is a post-Still story, which was my favorite episode of Season 5. It takes place immediately after the tag. It's rated M because as someone pointed out to me, Kate Beckett's decompression after standing on a bomb all day while Castle stood helplessly by would almost certainly include sex.**

**A/N: While this is my first 'Castle' fan fiction story, I've been writing and posting fan fiction stories for the 1970's police show 'The Rookies' for over 10 years. Please read and review.**

***CCC***

Kate Beckett had read somewhere before that when you're in a life or death situation, your life flashes before your eyes. Standing on that metal plate all afternoon, she'd found that to be so very true. Her partner of four years, Richard Castle, had stayed by her side all afternoon. His love for her refused to let him leave. Even if it meant he died with her if the bomb went off. He'd made her laugh over reminders of their previous escapades together. He was doing everything to keep her distracted. To keep her from thinking 'what if?'

Their relationship extended beyond the usual cop partnership. For one thing, Richard Castle wasn't a cop. He was a best-selling crime novelist who'd been shadowing her for four years now. At first it was for the purpose of researching a new character that he was writing. Over time their relationship had evolved from research to friendship. The previous May it had finally blossomed into a full-fledged sexual partnership. She had shown up at his doorstep, soaking wet, and everything had fallen together. It was the most perfect relationship that she'd ever been in. She could no longer imagine a life without this quirky, funny, egotistical, incredibly sexy man in it.

Now her life was literally balancing on whether Castle had found the right password to disarm the bomb. As she watched him staring at his SmartPhone, she wasn't even aware that she was holding her breath. He glanced at her as she cautiously stepped forward. When nothing blew up, she raced into Castle's arms as he held her tightly against him.

***CCC***

At the precinct later, she was debriefed by Capt. Victoria Gates and congratulated by the other members of the 12th Precinct, including Javier Esposito and Kevin Ryan, the other members of her homicide team. They laughed and teased her about her close call, but as time passed, she suddenly felt very tired.

"Hey Beckett, how about next time we send the bomb squad in first?" Espo teased her as he raised his cup of coffee toward her.

"I agree," Ryan nodded. "I say that we avoid bombs in buildings at all costs. I mean, first Beckett has her apartment blow up and now this? Here's to an anti-bomb pact," he looked to Castle to throw in his two cents worth. After all, Castle usually had a witticism for everything.

But, for once Castle had nothing to say. Looking across at his partner and girlfriend, he could tell that she'd had enough for one day. He wanted to take her home so that she could decompress and come down from the horrors of that afternoon. While she was an exceptionally tough homicide detective, he'd also discovered that like most women, she had a vulnerable side.

"Beckett, could I see you for a second?" He walked up to her desk and leaned down to ask her.

"What's on your mind, Castle?" She gave him that teasing smile that was only meant for him.

"Castle, come on!" Esposito razzed him. "I know that Gates told Beckett to kiss the man, but she's already done that!"

Kate got up and walked toward the break room as she turned to look at her team. "We'll be back."

"Hey, bro?" Esposito looked over at his partner. "Since Gates admitted plausible deniability, does that mean that everybody knows now?"

"No more secrets," Ryan concurred.

"It kind of takes the fun out of their relationship, doesn't it?"

"I don't think so," Ryan smiled.

Back in the break room, Castle took Kate's hands in his. "How are you holding up?"

"I'm relieved," she admitted. "I'm . . . too many things that I can't admit here, Castle."

"You've had enough, huh?" He rested his forehead against hers. Since Gates' revelation earlier, it no longer mattered to him who saw them.

"Yeah, I've had enough," she brushed her thumb along his hand, her signal that she was kissing him and running her hand through his hair.

"That's still the best handshake ever," he smiled as he noticed the tears forming in her eyes. "I'm going to take you out of here and get you home."

"Will you stay?"

"Always," he smiled again. "Come on, let's go."

After saying their goodbyes to the gang and Kate profusely thanking the bomb squad once again, they got into the elevator and left the precinct. After going to the parking garage, he takes the keys to Beckett's Crown Victoria and helps her inside before going over to the driver's side and getting behind the wheel. After adjusting everything to his liking, he left the garage and pulled into mid-afternoon traffic. "Are we going to the loft?" She asked as she leaned her head against the window.

"I thought your place might be better. No interruptions from my mother or Alexis," he smiled down at her as he planted a kiss on her forehead.

"No interruptions sounds nice," she lazily stroked his chest as he continued holding her.

"Are you hungry? Do you want to stop on the way?"

"No," she shook her head. "We can order something later. I just need to be with you. I just . . . "

He didn't say anything, but Castle understood exactly what she was trying to tell him. She'd been suffering from PTSD for almost two years now. She'd been seeing a psychiatrist to help her with things that could trigger the episodes. Several things over the last two years had acted as triggers. Being shot at her former captain's funeral had started the whole thing. She'd almost died, but had come back more stubborn and determined than ever. The night that she'd come to him in the middle of a rainstorm, proclaiming that she just wanted him. He learned that she'd almost fallen from a rooftop to her death. Only Kevin Ryan grabbing her at the last minute had saved her. That had triggered the worst episodes yet. There were nights when she woke up crying out from nightmares where she called for him and he never came.

Something told him that what had happened today was also going to trigger her PTSD. Standing on a bomb which was set to explode in half an hour would be enough to give anybody post-traumatic stress. As he made his way through late afternoon traffic, Castle couldn't wait to get her home and help her decompress. All he could give her was himself, but she could have as much of him as she wanted.

He pulled into the parking garage of her building and pulled into her spot before getting out and helping her out of the car. Noticing that she was now more than a little unsteady on her feet, he tightened his arm around her as they walked past the doorman into the building and over to the elevator. When they reached her floor, he led her to her apartment and held out his hand. "Give me your keys," he instructed her as she gave him a funny look.

She handed him the keys as he unlocked the door and opened it before scooping her up in his arms. "Castle!" She protested as he walked over and deposited her on the sofa before collapsing beside her.

"I think today made me glad that I'm not a real cop," he commented as he pulled her feet into his lap and removed her boots.

"We've been through some rough scrapes, but today . . . "

"Yeah, today . . . "

"Rick, thank you for making me laugh. But, I really want to thank you for not leaving me."

"I told you that I wasn't leaving," he reminded her. "Kate, did you mean what you said in there today? When you said . . . "

She moved up so that she was on his lap as she wrapped her arms around his neck. "I meant every word of it. I love you, Rick Castle."

"I know those words have been hard for you to say," he brushed her hair from her shoulders as his lips sought hers.

After the kiss ended she settled more comfortably into his lap as his arms lightly encircled her waist, keeping her close but not suffocating her. "Can we just sit like this for a while?" She asked, resting her head on his shoulder.

"For as long as you want to."

Just then her cell phone rang, causing her to jump in his arms. She got up and picked up the phone. "It's my dad. I need to take this," she looked at Castle as he nodded in understanding. "Hi, daddy."

"Katie, I got your message. What's going on? You sounded funny. Are you okay?" Jim Beckett's warm, familiar voice came over the line.

"Yeah, dad. I'm okay. I didn't mean to worry you. I just had a strange day. I just wanted . . . I just wanted you to know that . . . I . . . " her voice broke as Castle started to get up, but she waved him down. "It was just one of those days where you kind of see your life flash in front of you, but I'm okay now. I'm home in one piece."

"Do you need me to come over, Katie? We could grab some dinner and talk."

"No, I'm okay. Castle's here with me. But, I'd love to get together Sunday for brunch."

"Sunday for brunch it is. Our usual spot at 11?"

"Eleven's great," she smiled.

"Tell Castle to take good care of my girl," he said as Kate smiled.

"I will. I love you, daddy."

"I love you too, pumpkin. I'll see you Sunday."

"How's your father?" Castle asked as she ended the call and put her phone on vibrate.

"He's good. He told me to tell you to take good care of me," she smiled shyly as she walked back over to the sofa.

"Is that one of those messages that I'd better take good care of you or he'll kill me?" She laughed at the look on his face. Laughter that quickly dissolved into tears as he immediately pulled her into his arms. "Hey, don't cry! I was joking! Your dad and I get along great. I don't think he'd ever kill me."

"I was so scared, Castle," she sobbed in his arms. "In all the time that I've been doing this job, I don't think I've ever been that scared."

"That makes two of us," he admitted as he continued holding her. "I thought that I was going to lose you."

"Me, too," she reached up to touch his face as she moved closer. "I need you so badly right now. I need to know that I'm really all right."

As he stared down into her beautiful hazel eyes, Rick Castle's mind flashed back to all of the times they'd had sex over the past 11 months. They'd had wild sex, slow sex, sex on almost every available surface in both his apartment and hers'. But in his mind, there was sex and there was making love. And every time their bodies joined together was special. He reached down to interlace her fingers with his own as he led her toward her bedroom. She smiled as she remembered back to that first night when she'd taken his hand and led him toward _his _bedroom.

Standing by her bed, Castle slowly unbuttoned her blouse and pulled it opened. Staring at her intently, he traced the small round scar between her breasts with his fingers. That scar was a constant reminder of how close they'd come to being permanently pulled apart almost two years before. He pulled her into his arms as he kissed that one spot on her neck that turned her into putty in his hands. "Oh, Castle," she breathed as she kneaded his shoulders and upper back.

His lips moved to claim hers, his tongue seeking entrance. She always tasted so good. He thought that he could get addicted just from the taste of her. Not to mention that she always smelled like cherries. He'd noticed it when they first started working together. Still feasting on her mouth, he pulled her blouse off of her shoulders before going to work on her bra.

After letting her bra fall to the floor, he moved her down to the bed and knelt down beside her. "Feeling better?" She smiled up at him as he traced a line down her naked torso with his finger, causing her skin to break out in goose bumps.

"Not quite," she pulled him back down toward her as they began kissing once again. He was by far the best kisser she'd ever been with. But then, she'd found that he was extremely talented in all aspects of lovemaking. Not that she was exactly a slouch. They'd both managed to surprise each other in that department many times over.

He reached down and unbuttoned the top of her jeans before slipping his hand inside. He could feel the warmth and the arousal of her through her panties as she moaned her approval. She pressed herself against his hand, letting him know that she wanted more of his touch. "Castle," she let out a disappointed whimper when he removed his hand from the inside of her pants and moved toward her feet.

"Shhh," he put a finger to her lips. "You've had a rough day, remember? Let me take care of you."

To Kate, nothing had ever sounded sweeter or sexier in her life. She was more than happy to let him take care of her. He'd been taking care of her all day, ever since she'd stepped on that metal plate and heard that ominous whirring, clicking sound. The sound that told her if she moved a muscle, she'd die. Castle had been her rock all day. She wasn't sure she would've made it through that horrible ordeal if it hadn't been for him.

Rick stood up and finished unfastening her pants as he tugged them down her legs, followed by her panties and the dark socks that she'd been wearing underneath the heavy boots. "Are your legs sore?" He asked as he began a gentle massage of her calves.

"A little," she admitted as she gasped under the pressure of his strong fingers on her legs. "That feels so good, Castle."

After massaging her legs, he moved down to her feet, massaging her entire foot as she closed her eyes and felt herself beginning to relax. Capt. Gates had told her during her debriefing that she'd probably need to take a day or two off to decompress. If this was her idea of decompressing, she agreed wholeheartedly.

After the foot massage, he moved up to her thighs, massaging each one slowly and exquisitely as she fought to keep still. His hands parted her legs and moved slowly up as she opened her eyes and smiled at him. He gave her a grin in return that was like that of a child who'd gotten caught with his hand in the cookie jar. She loved that Castle grin. It was so damn cute! Instead of touching her where she wanted him to, he crawled back up her body, wrapping his arms around her. His erection pressed deliciously against her center as his lips claimed hers once again. She reached out to unbutton his shirt as he stopped her seeking hands. "Uh-uh," he warned against her mouth. "I'm taking care of you, remember?"

"Does your taking care of me involve you getting naked, by any chance?"

"Soon," he promised as he moved down to her breasts, teasing first one nipple and then the other in his teeth as she couldn't suppress the moan that escaped from her lips. To Castle, listening to Kate expressing her desires was the sweetest, sexiest sound in the world.

Kate trembled in anticipation as she felt Castle moving further south, circling her belly button with his tongue before finally going where she'd wanted him to be all along. She clawed at her sheets as she felt him between her legs, his lips, tongue, and fingers doing extraordinary things to her senses. While it was true that she knew a few tricks that involved ice cubes, the tricks that Castle could do had proven to be nothing short of mind-blowing.

"Rick! Castle! Oh, fuck! Yes!" Her cries went on and on as she felt her inner muscles tightening as he slowed down his licking and nibbling to give her a chance to return to her senses.

She was still trying to come down to earth as she felt Castle's now very naked body covering her own. "Are you ready for more?" She opened her eyes, grinning into his blue-eyed gaze.

"Oh, yeah," she pulled him down for a kiss as he entered her slowly, much too slowly for her tastes, but he'd told her that he was taking care of her.

Things didn't stay slow for long. They rolled around her bed, both trying to take control of the other. While Rick Castle might've liked having rough sex against hard surfaces, like walls and doors, Kate Beckett definitely liked being on top. But, Castle was most definitely okay with that. As Kate liked telling people, he liked to touch things, and one of the things that he liked touching the most these days was his extremely sexy, smart girlfriend. He held onto her hips as she set the pace for both of them. By the sounds and the movements that she was making, he sensed that she was extremely close. As was he. He just needed to feel her tightening around him and he'd be gone. He reached his hand up to where their bodies were joined and touched her. She grabbed his hands and put them on her breasts as she threw her head back as she felt all of those muscles on the inside of her flutter and convulse around him as he joined her in his own climax just seconds later.

She collapsed onto his chest as she felt his arms come around her and hold her, his fingers lightly caressing her bare back as she came down from the incredible high that was sex with Richard Castle.

"That was . . . _wow_," Castle breathed in her ear as he continued holding her.

Untangling herself from his body as he groaned in disappointment, Kate cuddled close to his side as he slipped his arm around her once again. "Gates suggested that I take a day or two off," she looked up at him. "She said that I might need to decompress after what happened today."

"Oh, is that what the kids are calling it these days?" He teased as she laughed. "I'll help you decompress in any way you need me to."

"Rick?" He turned toward her as her eyes got serious. It was rare that she called him by his first name. To her, he was always just 'Castle,' even now that they were intimate. "I'm glad that you were there today. Thank you."

"You're very welcome," he kissed her forehead. "Get some sleep. I love you, Kate."

"Me, too," she smiled sleepily as she cuddled as close as she could get to him and drifted off, hopefully into a sleep where there were no bombs under her feet.

**A/N: Writing this, I almost felt like a fan fiction virgin although I've been doing this since I was 12 years old, way before the Internet. It felt strange but good to write fan fiction for a different set of characters. I hope that I did them justice. As for the sex, sometimes my scenes are good and other times they're hit or miss. I hope this scene was the former and not the latter. Please read and review. I seriously need to have my ego stroked.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimers: I would never attempt to take Andrew Marlowe's job away from him. He's a truly gifted writer and I thank him for allowing me and the other wonderful Castle fan fiction writers a chance to have fun with his creations. **

**Title: Decompressing—Chapter 2**

**Summary: Castle continues helping Beckett as she decompresses after nearly being blown up by a bomb.**

**A/N #1: Thank you for all of the follows, reviews and those of you who are following me as a favorite. I've been writing for a long time, but now I feel truly validated as a writer.**

**A/N #2: For the reviewer who accused me of being narrative, I'm a descriptive writer. I like my readers to feel that they are in the moment with the characters. I also like to read stories that explain something of how someone got from point A to point B. I guess I have to also get used to the fact that some of you guys are brutal. However I will take your critiques under advisement.**

**A/N #3: I'm adding another chapter or two because a lot of my reviewers suggested that this story needed another chapter. After re-reading my story, I agree. After all, Capt. Gates did tell Kate that she'd need two or three days to decompress.**

Chapter 2: Facing the Fear

"No! Castle, get out of here! It's going to blow up! I love you, Rick! I love you! Please go away! I don't want you to die, too!"

Castle jolted awake when he was hit in the shoulder by something or someone. It was then that he heard Kate's cries in the dark. He rolled over toward her as she continued crying out and kicking her legs in the tangled sheets. "Kate, wake up," he quietly called out. He'd learned from experience that if he touched her when she was in the middle of one of her nightmares, she'd likely lash out at him. "Come on, Kate. It's okay. You're dreaming."

Eventually his voice got through to her sleeping brain and she woke up, breathing hard as she met Castle's concerned blue-eyed gaze in the darkened bedroom. "I didn't mean to wake you," she apologized, her breathing eventually slowing down.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked as he slowly stroked her arm as she moved closer into his embrace.

"I don't remember much of it. What was I saying?"

"You were saying something was about to blow up. You didn't want me to die, too. I don't know what else you were saying. Do you want to talk about yesterday?"

"Not yet. Have you talked to your mother and Alexis?"

"I called them last night after you went to sleep. I told them I'd probably stay with you for a day or two. They send their love," he told her as she smiled.

"You must've worn me out. I didn't even feel you get up," she stroked his chest as she grinned up at him.

"Well, I did tell you that I was going to take care of you," he reminded her.

"I'll return the favor after I get some more sleep," she gave him that million megawatt smile as she yawned sleepily as he tightened his arm around her as she drifted back to sleep.

When Kate woke up a few hours later, it was still dark in the room but dawn was just starting to break. She studied Castle's peacefully sleeping face. Though she loved him with an intensity that sometimes frightened her, the words were still so hard for her to say. When she'd told him the day before that she loved him, she meant it with every fiber of her being. She hoped to one day be able to confess her love for him as often as he did to her.

She smiled as her mind went back to the night before. He'd told her that he was going to take care of her and he'd done an excellent job. Now it was time to return the favor.

In his still sleep-fogged brain, Castle could feel feather-like kisses trailing down his chest and stomach, followed by the hand of a certain gorgeous detective wrapping itself around him. He couldn't help the groan that escaped from his lips as the hand slowly began to stroke up and down his shaft as he got harder.

Kate couldn't help grinning as she continued sliding her hand up and down his growing erection. She'd heard his groan, so she knew he was no longer fully asleep. But she knew one sure-fire way of fully waking him up.

"Fuck, Kate," he opened his eyes as he felt her take him into her mouth.

Now that she had his undivided attention, she returned to the task at hand. She flicked her tongue around his head as he let out a loud moan in appreciation. She then took him further into her mouth, sucking hard as she gently caressed his scrotum as he arched his back off of the bed as he reached one hand out for her, desperate to touch her satiny smooth skin.

He trailed one hand down her back, lightly caressing her bare skin as he reached his destination. She whimpered around him as she felt his fingers exploring her wet folds, driving her crazy with unbearable need.

Releasing him from her mouth, she crawled her way back up to him and kissed him, her tongue seeking and taking as he kissed her back just as fervently. She reached down and firmly removed his hand from between her legs as she straddled his hips, moving her hips up and down his straining hardness as he fought to keep what was left of his sanity.

He groaned loudly as he finally felt himself enveloped in the wet warmth of her as she began to move. She grasped his hands and brought them up to either side of his head as she captured his mouth with her own once again.

With his hands pinned down, it was almost impossible for him to gain any leverage, so he gave himself up to the feeling of her moving on top of him. It was hot and sexy and he knew that he wasn't going to be able to hold off his climax much longer. "Kate," he mumbled against her mouth as she continued devouring his mouth, "are you close?"

"Ummm," she murmured against him as she sat upright and moved his hands up to her breasts. She growled her approval as he cupped her breasts reverently before taking her nipples between his thumb and forefingers, causing her to squeal as she moved faster on top of him.

He skimmed his hands down her trim waist to her hips and finally between her legs, where he pressed against that sensitive bundle of nerves that never failed to make her scream his name repeatedly in ecstasy. He felt her muscles clamp down around him as she came completely undone around him. Hearing her was all it took for him to thrust into her one final time as he released himself inside of her.

He gently drew Kate closer to him as they shared several long, lingering kisses as they both came back down to Planet Earth. "You can wake me up like that any time you want to," he brushed her hair behind her ear as he planted soft kisses down her neck.

She gradually was able to swing her leg back over his hips as she settled down beside him in her bed. She cuddled against him, sated and slightly drowsy as he stroked her back. "I'm glad you liked it," she trailed her fingers down his chest and back up as he softly kissed her forehead.

"Do you have any food in your refrigerator that hasn't expired, yet?"

"As a matter of fact, Castle, I went grocery shopping two days ago," she sat up as the sheet slid tantalizingly down her upper body. "I have milk, eggs, and other stuff," she punctuated the last word with a kiss.

"Other stuff? What other stuff?" He was intrigued.

"Oh, I don't know. Would a can of whipped cream possibly interest you?" She grinned as she got out of bed, as she looked over her shoulder at him.

"Wait! Where are you going?" He asked as he admired her naked body.

"To take a shower," she gave him a seductive smile. "Would you care to join me?"

"Uh, that would be a yes," he jumped out of bed and immediately followed her into the bathroom. His mind was made up that he'd gladly follow this woman anywhere she asked him to.

***CCC***

Round two in the shower led to round number three back in Kate's bed. "If this is what Capt. Gates meant by telling you to decompress, I might never let you go back to work," Castle lay on his back as he fought to get his breathing under control.

Kate sneaked a sideways glance at her partner as she couldn't help but grin. In the 11 months that they'd been together, she'd learned that Rick Castle had more stamina than the men that she'd dated when she was in her late teens and early 20's. Lately it seemed when they weren't working together, she was constantly trying to think of new and more creative ways to get him into her bed or vice versa. "Castle, why didn't we ever hook up sooner?"

"Because we were both too stubborn to see a good thing when it was staring us in the face. And, it seemed like every time we did see it, something seemed to get in the way. Like Demming," Castle said.

"Gina," Kate shot back.

"Natalie Rhodes."

"Uh, Natalie thought that you were gay," she grinned at him.

"She thought . . . she thought that I was _what_?" He sat up as Kate started laughing.

"You actually told a gorgeous blond _actress _'no?' I couldn't believe it when she asked me if you were gay. It had to be the funniest thing I'd ever heard."

"What about Dr. Motorcycle Boy?" Castle asked, referring to Beckett's former boyfriend Josh, who'd been there after she was shot.

Her eyes darkened as she thought of Josh. He'd saved her life after she'd been shot at Capt. Montgomery's funeral, but she learned that he'd blamed Castle for what had happened. After she'd learned that, things had rapidly gone downhill between them. "I don't want to talk about him," she turned over and cuddled into his side.

"How about if I make you some pancakes?" He suggested, trying to lighten her sudden dark mood. "I think you deserve some of Castle's famous pancakes after all of those calories that we burned off last night and this morning."

"Pancakes sound wonderful," she pulled his head to her as they shared yet another tender kiss. She could never get enough of kissing this man. It was almost as if he was a drug and she was hopelessly addicted.

"If we start kissing again, we're liable to never make it out of this bed," he warned her as she grinned.

"Go make me breakfast, Castle," she shoved him toward the edge of the bed.

"Actually, it would now be lunch," he glanced at the clock beside her bed.

"I don't care what meal you want to call it. I'm hungry," she complained as he walked out of the bedroom stark naked to cook her breakfast.

She threw the covers off as she got out of bed. A naked Castle cooking breakfast was simply too good of an opportunity to pass up. She pulled on a pair of yoga pants and a camisole before making her way into the kitchen where Castle was mixing up pancake batter. "I made you coffee," he handed her a mug.

"Thank you. I'd be careful if you're planning on frying bacon. I don't want . . . certain things getting popped," she grinned as she sipped her coffee.

"I'll take that under consideration," he grinned back as he walked over and leaned across the counter to kiss her. "Either you're overdressed or I'm seriously underdressed."

"You can take my clothes off later if you're up for round four," she gave him a salacious grin as he almost spit a mouthful of coffee all over himself.

"Does round four involve the can of whipped cream, by any chance?"

"That's up to you, Writer-Boy," she used Lanie's nickname for him.

"Writer-Man, I keep telling you. Having I proven to you by now that it's 'Writer-Man?'"

"Oh, yeah. You've proven it. Over and over again," she crept over as she slipped her arms around him as he turned into her embrace.

"As much as I'd love to sweep you into my arms caveman style and commence with round four, I'm starving," he planted a chaste kiss on her lips. "So, get on the other side of that counter and stop distracting me."

"Castle, as much as I love watching you cook me breakfast bare-assed naked, you'd be much less of a distraction if you at least put some pants on," she pointed out.

"You're probably right," he agreed. "Keep an eye on the bacon and I'll be back in two seconds."

He came back seconds later wearing the pair of jeans that Beckett loved the best. She was always commenting on how cute his ass looked in them every time he wore them. He didn't wear them to the precinct out of fear that she'd start pinching his butt like she did when he wore them around the apartment. He knew he'd never live down having his butt pinched in front of Ryan and Esposito.

As they sat down to a breakfast of pancakes and bacon, they kept giving each other come hither looks across the table. But, as much as he would've loved to take her back to bed, he had other things on his mind, as well. Things that he knew they needed to talk about.

"Did you get enough to eat?" He asked as he got up and began clearing their plates from the table.

"More than enough. That was wonderful, Castle."

"Uh, Kate . . . " she looked over at him as he put their plates in the dishwasher.

"What's wrong?" She couldn't help but notice how serious he appeared all of a sudden.

"Don't you think that we should at least talk about what happened yesterday?"

Her mind flashed back to the day before. As soon as she stepped on that plate and heard that ominous sound, so many images flooded through her mind. Memories of birthday parties with her parents, her mother's laughter as Kate told her a funny story about school, the night that her and her father had come home to find Det. Raglan at their doorstep. She felt as if something inside of her died that night when she'd learned that her mother had been murdered. Something that she never thought she'd ever get back.

Then she met Richard Castle and something inside of her came back to life. As she'd once told him, he made work more fun when he was there. He showed up to every case, no matter what time, with a cup of coffee and sometimes a bear claw for her, knowing that she needed that boost from caffeine to keep her going.

She remembered her anger when she'd learned that he'd started looking into her mother's case. But he found things that she'd missed. Things that the original detective had swept aside. He'd warned her to back off, but she'd refused. Her stubbornness had almost cost her her life, but had also finally made her see what had been in front of her for four long years. When she showed up at his doorstep that rainy May night, she made a vow to herself that she was never letting him out of her life again.

This time it was _his _stubbornness that had almost gotten him killed. His refusal to leave even as the clock ticked down. Even as her life was ebbing away, his intuitive writer's brain kept searching for an answer. Just as zero hour approached, they discovered the password to disarm the bomb.

"Why didn't you leave when I asked you to?"

"Do you remember when your apartment blew up?" He strolled over to her as she watched him. "I told you then that I wasn't leaving you. And I wasn't going to leave you in that room alone. I love you. As far as I'm concerned, my place is at your side."

"Castle, if that bomb had gone off, Alexis and your mother would have _nobody. _I know that Meredith is Alexis' mother, but let's face it . . . "

"Deep-fried Twinkie. I know," he sighed as he took her hands in both of his. "But, your dad would've been left alone, too. Kate, he crawled into a bottle when your mom died. What do you think would happen if he lost you, too? You're his only child."

"As Alexis is your only child. I was dreaming this morning . . . about yesterday. Only this time the password wasn't right. I kept begging you and begging you to please leave. The bomb was going to go off, but you kept giving me that Castle grin and telling me that everything was going to be okay. Everything would never be okay if I lost you!" Tears ran down her face as he squeezed her hands as he looked away. He could never bear to see her cry. It always broke his heart.

"Nothing would ever be okay if I lost you, either," he whispered as he looked at her.

"I just keep hearing that sound when I stepped on that plate. It runs through my head like it's on an endless tape loop. When I stepped on that plate, my first thought was, 'Oh fuck, after this long as a cop, is this really how it's going to end?' At least I made sure that my team was safe. Except for my plucky sidekick," she grimaced as she stared at him.

"The plucky sidekick always gets killed, remember?" He reminded her of what she'd told him when they'd uncovered the conspiracy behind her mother's murder.

"Okay. Partner, then," she took his face into her hands and kissed him.

He could taste the salt from her tears as he returned her kiss. As scared as he'd been yesterday, at least he hadn't been the one standing on the bomb. Kate had to have been beyond terrified. "What did you think about yesterday?"

"When? When you weren't entertaining me with tales of our previous adventures?" She pulled back to give him that dazzling smile, the one that had cost her parents so much money.

"Yeah, then."

"It was kind of surreal actually," she sat back in her chair. "I kept hearing my mom. She kept telling me that everything was going to be okay."

"And she was right."

"I'd almost forgotten what her voice sounded like. But, yesterday it was like she was right there on that plate with me, holding my hand like she used to when I was sick and had to stay home from school. Do you think I'm crazy?"

"Do I think . . . ? You're asking the guy who believe in zombies and ghosts and the big bad wolf in Central Park if I think you're crazy. No, I don't think you're crazy."

"I still can't believe that . . . "

"I told you that I wasn't leaving you. Not when your apartment blew up, not when we were locked in a frozen storage container, not yesterday, not ever," he drew her closer kissing her as her arms snaked around his neck to pull him closer. "Now, I think we've talked enough about near death experiences for one day. I think there's a certain red can of whipped cream in your refrigerator that's calling our name."

She giggled against his lips as she moved her arms down to his waist. "So, on to round four?"

"On to round four," he stood up, scooping her into his arms as he carried her toward her bedroom in true caveman style just as he'd promised earlier. "What was that comment about the 'Castle' grin? I actually have a grin?"

"You have a lot of grins, Castle. Grab the damned whipped cream on your way to our bed."

"Our bed? I like the sound of that."

"Whipped cream, Castle! Now before I bring out the handcuffs."

"Promise?"

**A/N: I think there's going to be one more chapter where Kate gets a little more real about what she was feeling as she stood on that bomb. Please read and review. The reviews for Chapter 1 made me very happy. I hope I did as good a job on Chapter 2.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimers: I don't own 'Castle.' Andrew W. Marlowe does a fine job and doesn't need my help.**

**Summary: PTSD triggers as Castle becomes concerned over Kate's seesawing emotions. Rick and Alexis have a conversation about his whole wanting to play cop, while Lanie and Kate have a conversation about issues involving love.**

**A/N #1: No smut in this chapter, just a lot of angst-ridden Caskett. Angst is my specialty. While I write happy endings, there's always a lot of drama leading to those endings.**

Chapter 3: I'll Help You through This, Always

Kate woke up and stretched lazily, feeling pleasantly sore and more than a little sticky. She'd crashed hard from her extreme sugar buzz of a couple of hours earlier. But she smiled as her mind went back to how much fun it had been obtaining that sugar buzz. She turned onto her side and reached out to touch her partner in crime, only to find a sticky, but nonetheless empty, side of the bed. "Castle!" She sat up and called out. He hadn't left, had he? Hadn't he said that he was going to stay? For some reason, the thought made her feel suddenly panicky.

"It's about time you woke up," he mock-complained as he padded into the bedroom on bare feet. She noticed that he was dressed in his sexy jeans and a dark blue shirt, looking rumpled and irresistible, just the way she liked him.

"I think you wore me out again," she grinned as he sat on the edge of the bed and pulled her into his arms, as they shared a tender kiss. "How long have you been up?"

"About an hour or so. Alexis sent me a text, wanting us to join her and mother for dinner. If you'd rather not, I can . . ."

"its okay, Castle. I'd love to," she wrinkled her nose in distaste at how sticky and unkempt she felt in comparison to him. "What time is it?"

"A little after four. I'll text Alexis back and tell her that we'll be there at six."

"I need to take another shower. I can't believe that we actually went through a whole can of whipped cream," she shook her head as he laughed.

"But, we had a good time doing it, didn't we?" He gave her that grin that she could never resist as she rolled her eyes at him.

"It was great, but I'm surprised that we're not in a permanent sugar coma," she threw back the sheet as she got out of bed. "Uh, can you strip the bed while I'm in the shower? I'm not about to sleep in stickiness."

"Are you sure you don't need me to help you get rid of the trace evidence?" He leered at her naked body as she strolled toward the bathroom.

"I think that I can handle it, Castle. If we're meeting your mother and Alexis in two hours, we don't have time for more steamy sex in the shower."

"Actually, less than two hours."

"Strip the bed, Castle," she repeated as she went into the bathroom and closed the door behind her.

Kate took a deep breath as she leaned against the closed door, willing her heart to stop pounding and her breathing to slow down. Okay, so he hadn't left. Just like he hadn't left her the day before after she'd begged him to. 'Get a grip', she mentally told herself. 'Get in the shower, get dressed, and spend a little time with him before you go uptown to the loft for dinner with his mother and daughter.'

She turned on the water and adjusted the temperature before she stepped in. She got in and stood under the warm spray as her mind flashed back to the events of the day before. 'Stop thinking about it,' she scolded herself. 'Castle and the boys got you out. Castle saved your ass again, just like that day in the cemetery.'

In the bedroom, Castle stripped the bed and was holding the soiled linens in his hands, remembering that her laundry hamper was in the bathroom. It wasn't like he hadn't seen her naked before. He decided to go in and dump the bed sheets in the hamper before returning to his writing in the other room. He'd actually gotten quite a bit written while Kate was sleeping earlier. Paula would be pleased that he might actually make his deadline, for once. As would Gina. 'No,' he said with a shudder. 'Do _not _start thinking about your ex-wife now.'

He walked to the closed bathroom door and turned the knob. "Beckett, I'm coming in to throw the sheets in the hamper! My coming in has nothing to do with my obsession with seeing you naked and wet!"

When he entered the bathroom, at first all he heard was the sound of the running water from the shower. But it only took seconds for another sound to filter into his brain. The unmistakable sound of sobbing. "Kate?" He called out tentatively He walked over and took a deep breath before opening the shower door. He was shocked to find Kate huddled on the floor of the shower, obviously very distressed. "Kate, what's going on? Are you hurt?"

"I woke up and I thought that you had left!" She choked out. "Everything started feeling as if it was piling up on me! You saved my ass again, Castle! Just like the cemetery! Just like the fucking tiger!"

"Kate, do you need for me to call Dr. Burke?" He asked, referring to her psychiatrist.

"I can't do this alone anymore, Castle," she looked at him with such misery in her green eyes that it broke his heart.

He reached in and turned off the water, getting soaked in the process. He then grabbed a towel from the rack and wrapped it around her before scooping her into his arms and settling down on the cool tile floor by the bathroom door. He held her tightly against him as she finally began to calm herself by doing the things that Burke had taught her after her near-fatal shooting. "You haven't had to do this alone for a very long time, Kate," he wrapped his arms tighter around her as he held her. "I'm sorry if you thought I'd left. I just decided to get my next chapter finished before you woke up."

"After saving me from that bomb, Castle, you've definitely one-upped me in the rescue department."

"Hey, that wasn't just me. If it hadn't been for Ryan and Espo's help, we wouldn't have figured it out. I'll tell you what. We'll go to Africa and face off against a man-eating lion or a crocodile. I'll let you save me from that."

She laughed against his chest as he sighed. At least she seemed to be coming out of whatever had triggered the attack. He didn't know if it was the flashbacks or the fear that he'd left her. Different things seemed to trigger the episodes. Sometimes it was something as simple as saying the wrong thing or watching the wrong scene in a movie. "I don't know about you, Castle, but I'm done with wild animals," she looked up at him. "As much as I'd love to stay huddled with you on my bathroom floor, I need to get dressed. And, now you need to change clothes, as well," she said, referring to his soaked shirt and jeans.

He helped her up off of the floor as he stood up after her before somewhat reluctantly leaving the bathroom. Stepping into her room, he pulled out dry clothes and quickly changed as he thought about what had just happened. He knew that she wasn't seeing Dr. Burke as often as she had before they got together, but he was wondering if maybe she should call him.

He went into the living room after changing and quickly texted Alexis. **'Pumpkin, can't make dinner tonight. Tell your grandma that Kate and I'll take a rain check. I love you.'** He sent the message as he looked toward the bedroom, waiting for Kate to emerge.

His phone buzzed as the return text message came across. **'Daddy, is everything ok? Call me. I love you, too.'**

"So, when did you want to leave to go to your loft?" Kate came out of the bedroom, wearing a pair of dark slacks and a burgundy colored blouse.

"Uh, I sent Alexis a message and asked for a rain check."

"Castle, you haven't seen your family in almost two days," she gently reminded him.

"Kate, I'm worried about you. What happened a little while ago? What triggered the episode?"

"I don't know," she walked over to the refrigerator and removed a bottle of water. "I don't want to miss dinner with your mother and Alexis because of me. I'll be fine."

"I don't agree," he argued as she rolled her eyes. "Kate, you almost died yesterday."

"I know that, Castle. I was there, remember? You've got to stop treating me as if I'm made of glass! I made it through the police academy; I made it through hours of patrol; I became the youngest woman to ever become a homicide detective in New York City history. I didn't achieve all of that by being a delicate flower."

"I've seen how tough you can be. I've seen that for five years now. But, that tough homicide detective is _not _the same woman that I just held in my arms in that bathroom! When are you going to stop running from me and get real?"

"Real about what?" She glared at him. She so didn't want to get into a raging argument with him now.

But it had been like this between them for almost a year now. He was afraid to push and she was afraid to ask him what he wanted. So they'd perfected this little dance where they skirted issues that they should be addressing. It had taken her a long time to admit the PTSD to him. Hell, it had taken her a long time to admit it to herself. She thought she was too tough to be traumatized by anything. Her shooting had shown her how wrong she was.

She'd spent months at her father's cabin recovering from both her near-death experience and then the break-up with Josh. The break-up would've probably happened anyway, but Lanie had accidentally let it slip during a phone conversation that Josh had attacked Castle in the hospital. At first the revelation angered her. She was fighting for her life and her boyfriend and her partner were having a fist fight.

"Beckett!" She broke free from her memories to find Castle looking at her expectantly. "Are you okay?"

"I really wish that you'd stop asking me that," she took a swig of her water. "Maybe you should go ahead and have dinner with Martha and Alexis. I think we need a break for a few hours."

"Kate—"

"I'll be fine," she softened her tone as she walked over to him. "I want to call Capt. Gates about coming back to work. Besides, I have some other stuff that I can do. Like read the rough draft of your latest chapter," she smiled. "Is it hot?"

"You'll have to read it and see for yourself. I hate leaving you by yourself."

"Go. Whether you want to admit it or not, you could also use the break."

"Alexis is going to think I'm so wishy-washy if I keep changing my mind back and forth like you women are always doing."

"She's going to be happy to see her father," she smoothed her hand over his hair as he pulled her tighter into his embrace. "Besides, we all know that you're such a metrosexual."

"I'll try not to be too long. Can we talk when I get back? I mean, seriously talk?"

"Yeah, we can seriously talk."

***CCC***

"I'm home!" Rick called as he unlocked the door of the loft and entered the luxurious apartment, closing the door behind him.

"Richard!" His mother came running over to greet him. "Alexis told me that you weren't coming for dinner. Where's Kate?"

"It's a long story," he sighed as he looked around. "Where's Alexis?"

"In her room, studying."

Rick smiled as he realized that nothing had ever changed. For as long as he could remember, his daughter had always had her nose in a book. She was also considerably more mature than her father most of the time. He walked upstairs and lightly tapped on her closed door. A moment later, his beautiful 19-year-old daughter opened the door, ear buds hanging around her neck and her red hair tied in a pony tail. "Daddy! I thought you said that you couldn't make it. Is Det. Beckett downstairs?"

"No, she had some things to take care of at her place," he walked in the room.

"Please tell me that you didn't have a fight," Alexis admonished him. "After what happened yesterday, she really doesn't need you fighting with her right now."

"Hey, whose side are you on?" He teased her. "I'm your old man. Speaking of yesterday, what do you know about what happened?"

"Just what I saw on the news and read about in this morning's paper. You didn't say much last night when you called. Where were you when it happened?"

"When Kate stepped on the sensor plate?" He clarified as she nodded. "Ryan and Esposito had just left. I was on my way out when I heard the sensors trip."

"Let me guess. You didn't leave," she said, her blue eyes flashing angrily.

"For what it's worth, she asked me to leave," he managed to look sheepish.

"Daddy, you're _not _a cop. I know you like playing pretend, but sooner or later, you have to grow up. I know that you love her, so do you have to keep hanging around the precinct playing cops and robbers with her?"

"In other words, you're saying mission accomplished," he smiled at her.

"I guess so," she got up and walked over to her dresser, where she began straightening various items. "Start the next chapter of yours' and Det. Beckett's love story."

"Which would be?" He was intrigued and at the same time wondering how he'd ended up with this smart young woman for a daughter. He still couldn't figure out where the genes had come from because it definitely wasn't from him or her mother.

"Marriage, babies, growing old together."

"I like those three ideas very much. How would you feel about the first two of those three things? The marriage and babies' part?"

"Well, I've always heard that the third time's the charm," Alexis smiled. "As for the babies, I'd love it. You did a great job with me or I should say that I did a great job with you," she looked at her father as he feigned as frown, "and I think that Det. Beckett would make a great mother."

"How in the hell did you get so smart?"

"I told you, genius skips a generation. Come on, let's go see if dinner's ready."

***CCC***

"He's driving me crazy!" Kate was complaining to her best friend, Lanie Parrish, over glasses of wine. "I mean, yes, I had an episode in the shower earlier, but it's not like I haven't had them before."

"Girl, you keep everything so bottled up inside that I'm surprised you don't have an ulcer. I can't believe that you actually let him leave."

"We agreed that we needed a break for a few hours."

"No, _you _decided that _you _didn't want to face the issues, as usual. I'm surprised that this little dance that you two do hasn't been set to music."

"What're you talking about?" Kate asked in irritation as she poured another glass of wine.

"It took you _four years _to admit that you wanted him. Now that you've got him, it's like you're trying to sabotage it. Writer-Boy has commitment issues and you have fear issues. The two of you need to be locked into a very small room until you began to _talk _about those issues. Maybe you should be locked into a room with another tiger."

"Oh no, no more tigers," Kate shook her head. "Lanie, yesterday when I was standing on that bomb, I told Castle that I loved him."

"Well, it's about damn time! Did you say it because you thought you were about to die or do you really mean it?"

"No, I really meant it," she smiled as she took a sip of her wine. "He was so typical Castle yesterday. He was driving me crazy with all of these reminisces of our past exploits. He was trying to keep me distracted. I just wanted him to know how I felt in case—"

"In case the bomb exploded," Lanie guessed as Kate nodded. "Have you talked to Gates about going back to work?"

"I called her before I asked you to come over. She told me to take one more day. I was also thinking that maybe I should also schedule an appointment with Dr. Burke. I have a feeling that Castle's going to drive me crazy until I do."

"So, here's what you need to do tonight. When Castle comes home, sit down and tell him how you feel. Telling him how scared you were yesterday is something that he already knows. Instead, really _talk _to him."

"I don't know what I'm supposed to say to him."

"Girl, for two people who make their careers out of words . . . I'm telling you that locked room is sounding better and better."

***CCC***

Kate was curled up on the end of her sofa as the TV droned in the background when she heard Castle's key in the door. "How was dinner with Martha and Alexis?" She asked after he'd come in and closed the door.

"Wonderful. I brought you some Chicken Marsala, risotto, and broccoli rabe."

"That sounds great because I'm starving," she got up and took the covered dishes from him as she walked into the kitchen.

"Did you have company while I was gone?" He noticed the two wine glasses that were still sitting on the counter.

"Lanie came over for a little while. We had some serious girl talk," she put some of the food that he'd brought home on a plate and covered it with a paper towel as she popped it into the microwave.

"Was I the subject of your girl talk?"

"You're always the subject of our girl talk," she smiled as the microwave pinged.

"I don't know if I should be flattered or worried."

"Do you want to share this?" She asked as she sat at the counter.

"Yeah. Do you want some more wine?" He asked as he went to the refrigerator.

"No. Bring me a bottle of water," she said between mouthfuls of food. "Lanie said we should be locked into a small room."

"We've been down that road, remember?" He took a bite from her plate as he sat down beside her. "Why do we need to be locked into a small room?"

"So that we can work out our issues."

"I wasn't aware that we had issues."

"Lanie says our issues are and I quote, 'Castle's fear of commitment and my fear of fear.' Where do we stand exactly?"

"What do you mean?" He asked innocently as he continued eating.

"Castle, we've been together for almost a year now. Where are we going?"

"By 'where are we going,' do you mean are we going to go ring shopping tomorrow, probably not. Like you told me yesterday, I'd also like to think that we're just getting started. Alexis and I had an interesting conversation."

"A conversation about what?"

"About the next chapter in what she refers to as our love story."

"Our love story? That's so sweet," she gave him that drop-dead gorgeous smile that he could never resist. "So, what's our next chapter?"

"According to my daughter, marriage, babies, and growing old together. Do you like those chapters, Detective Beckett?"

"I like the marriage and babies part, Castle. As for the growing old, there are times where I think I might kill you before that ever happens. Remember I have a gun."

"How many babies are we talking about here exactly?"

"Well, it would make logical sense to start with one, Castle."

"So, am I the prospective father of this baby?"

"Let's just say that you're the front runner."

He smiled as he glanced down at the plate. He suddenly liked the idea of having a baby with Kate. He liked the idea a lot. But, before that happened, he knew that there were other things that they needed to work through first. "You said earlier that you wanted to seriously talk when I got home. I take it that's also what you and Lanie talked about."

"Do you remember when I first told you about the PTSD?"

"After the night when you—" they both smiled at the memory of her showing up on his doorstep soaking wet. "You woke me up screaming from a nightmare about Maddox throwing you off of that roof."

"When I was at my dad's cabin after I got out of the hospital, I didn't understand what was going on. I'd wake up screaming and shaking. Or in the middle of the day I'd feel as if I couldn't breathe. I thought it was normal after what I'd been through. When I went back to see Dr. Burke after I passed my psych evaluation, I told him what was happening to me. I thought that he was crazy when he told me that I had PTSD. He told me that it doesn't really go away, but that I can do things to handle the attacks."

"What happened in the bathroom?"

"I don't know. I was in the shower and I just started thinking about yesterday, and it felt like I was there again. I called Burke after Lanie left and I've got an appointment to see him on Friday."

"I'm glad that you called him."

"Gates told me to take one more day. I'm just so tired of thinking and remembering."

"Alexis thinks that I should stop accompanying you to the precinct. She thinks that I'm too old to be playing cops and robbers. She told me that I accomplished my mission by getting the girl," he said as she smiled.

"Are you going to stay home and be a full-time author once again?"

"How would you feel about that?"

"Do you remember when you were on that case with Det. Slaughter?" She reminded him as he groaned. "I know that we weren't getting along all that great, but I kept finding myself looking at your chair and it was so empty. I missed you bringing me coffee, I missed you joking around with the boys, but mostly I missed looking across my desk and seeing your face. I know Alexis worries and I understand that. But, you're my partner now."

"Yes, I am," he gave her that irresistible grin, the one that always made her go all fluttery inside as he kissed her. "In more ways than one."

As he held her in his arms later that night as she slept peacefully beside him, he thought about what Alexis had suggested that afternoon about the next chapter of his and Beckett's love story. He smiled as he decided that Kate Castle had a very nice ring to it.

**A/N: Okay, so it didn't get quite as angst-ridden as I'd thought it would. But I gave myself an opening for my next story, which I'll try to make longer than three chapters. I just wanted to get my feet wet with this one. Please read and review.**


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